Top Five Break Up Songs

By Rose CohnEveryone and their mother is breaking up this year. (Seriously). For those of you fortunate enough to be calling it quits with someone, congrats! I’ve compiled a solid list of breakup songs for your aching heart’s pleasure. If you haven’t untied the knot this year, I urge you to act soon so that you can more thoroughly enjoy the following tunes. In an order based loosely on the stages of your grief…1. “No Children"So the Mountain Goats’ “No Children” is more accurately a pre-breakup song than a breakup song. But it is so hateful and miserable and cruel, it triumphs as a quintessential breakup tune. With such bitter lines as “I hope we hang on past the last exit / I hope it’s already too late,” we get a picture of the singer’s failing marriage that is so bleak it’s almost comical. When John Darnielle moans, “I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow / I hope it bleeds all day long,” we have to laugh — but then, we also have to cry.[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/475953" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]2. “Jude Law and a Semester Abroad"It was tough to pick the Brand New track for this list when Your Favorite Weapon may as well have been titled The Breakup Album. But I had to give it to “Jude Law and a Semester Abroad” for containing the granddaddy of vindictive lyrics: “I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips.” “Jude Law” is best served immediately post-breakup, when you’re so pissed at your ex for breaking your heart that you wish bodily harm unto him or her (and all his/her new lovers).[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/22760113" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]3. “Fuck You"Despite its disparaging title, Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You” in fact demonstrates quite a bit of maturity. The broken-hearted has graduated from crippling hurt and blind rage to general spitefulness. The wound is young enough that, when the singer sees his ex and her new beau together, he feels a “pain in [his] chest.” Still, he’s got the decency to “wish [them] the best,” though he can’t resist adding a “fuck you” to both of them. With the singer’s contemptuous pity for the new beau (his ex is a gold-digger after all), there’s another element of smugness to the song.[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/37471747" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]4.“Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"Don’t assume that the partner who initiates the breakup doesn’t suffer heartache, too. The beginning of “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” depicts a man walking out on his lady. But when Bob Dylan croons, “Still I wish there was something you would do or say / To try and make me change my mind,” we ache for him. He does manage a final a jab at the end though: “You just kinda wasted my precious time / But don’t think twice, it’s all right.”[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/19786153" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]5. “Here I Go Again"You’re finally over that fucking loser. You are, you swear. You’ve moved on. You’ve made up your mind; you ain’t wastin’ no more time. Here you go again on your own! When you’ve reached this phase, you get to blast Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” and own the single life, baby.[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/58550889" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]